Billie Lourd Pens Emotional Essay About How She Now Views Princess Leia As Her ‘Guardian Angel’

It has been nearly thee years since Carrie Fisher passed away, but her only daughter, Billie Lourd, still has her mom on her mind — especially the iconic character she played in the Star Wars films, Princess Leia.

“I grew up with three parents: a mom, a dad and Princess Leia. Initially, Princess Leia was kind of like my stepmom. Now she’s my guardian angel. And I’m her keeper,” the 27-year-old actress writes in a personal essay on Time. The actress — who will soon star in her third film in the Star Wars franchise — also revealed how her mother’s death has impacted her.

“My mom died on Dec. 27, 2016. Two days after Christmas, four days before New Year’s and about a year before she was supposed to appear in her final ‘Star Wars’ film,” Billie recalled. “Losing my mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I lost my best friend. My little lady in the TV. My Momby. And I inherited this weird, intimidating thing called her legacy. Suddenly I was in charge of what would come of her books, her movies and a bunch of other overwhelming things. I was now the keeper of Leia.”

The American Horror Story costar would be asked by director JJ Abrams to take on a role in the iconic films — a request that impacted Billie. “J.J. asked me if I would want to come back [in the role of] Lieutenant Connix. I knew it would be one of the most painful, difficult things I would ever do, but I said yes for her – for my mom. For Leia,” Billie explained.

“For everyone Leia means so much to. For everyone Leia gives strength to. For my future kids, so someday they’ll have one more movie to watch that Mommy and Grandma were in together,” Billie continued. “So they can ask me about the lady–now ladies–in the TV and tell me to turn it down because it’s too loud.”

One day after Billie’s mother died, her grandmother, Debbie Reynolds, also passed. “It’s completely surreal,” the Scream Queens alum told Ellen DeGeneres during an appearance on her show in September 2017. “There’s no way to really explain it — it’s so hard to talk about. If I say I’m doing good, I’m too happy. If I say I’m not doing good, then I’m a mess. So it’s really hard to know what to say about it because it’s so surreal and impossible to deal with.”

We are just glad to see that Billie still has her mom and grandma on her mind.